Out east beyond the city it’s quiet, and the front porch
still reminds me of your hand on my shoulder.
In the living room, Johnny Cash is singing on the radio
about the beer he had for breakfast.
The beer I had for breakfast was Tennessee whiskey.
The sun is squinting at my bad decisions.
I’m trying to dry out, but I’m worried my hands
will shake too hard to write.
I’m worried I will earthquake from my body.
I wonder what you’d think if you saw me now.
If you read this, I’m doing just fine.
I’m still a sheep in wolf’s clothing.
I’m still struggling with all the old questions.
I’m still trying to love everything put in front of me to love.
I’d still give anything to hear you call me Darlin’.
If you read this, and you’re thinking of me,
know I’m thinking of you too.
No. Our world is great. For every one person that plants a bomb, you have hundreds more running a marathon. For every one person that makes a joke about the dead and dying, you have thousands more donating blood, offering prayers, and volunteering their time. Things like this are the fault of single individuals who make violent, loud statements. We just have to make sure that the statements of the good are louder.
there are awful people on this planet who do awful things and cause unimaginable pain and suffering to others… but to say our world, as a whole, is awful - that is a disservice to the good, the kind, the loving, the innocent, the selfless, the brave, the heroes.
“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like ‘struggle’. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”— Fred Rogers. My hero.
“In a futile attempt to erase our past, we deprive the community of our healing gift. If we conceal our wounds out of fear and shame, our inner darkness can neither be illuminated nor become a light for others.”— Brennan Manning.
I get slammed all the time for being a woman of strong, Christian faith who has a huge heart for the gay community. (I use “Christian” loosely, because in this day and age, that term has been broken, twisted, abused, and defiled by the very people who claim to be Christians, and I want nothing to do with that. That’s another story altogether, though!) I am ridiculed, attacked, and my faith & salvation have been questioned by people more than once. That’s fine, I’m tough and I can take it - I know what I believe in, I know my truth, I know the things that have been placed on my heart. I am constantly learning, asking, reading, talking, and keeping an open mind. My faith, my opinions, and my beliefs are constantly changing, evolving, and growing. I can take the heat from others (as much as it hurts sometimes) because while I don’t have it all figured out, my foundation is strong. People will always disagree, but I’m not here to please them. And really, it’s nothing compared to the bullying, the torture, and the humiliation that so many in the LGBTQ community face every single day. I can’t even imagine. How my heart hurts for them. How I wish I could wrap my arms around every single one of those people and tell them, “You are loved, you are loved, you are loved.”
Sometimes I’m at a loss for words when conversing with people who attack me about this. “Well, then you don’t really follow Christ if this is your stance,” they say. And that always leaves the grossest feeling in my gut, because that is just not true. And I’ve been thinking and wrestling with this a lot lately… this is not the God I follow, it’s just not. My God is compassion, love, and peace. He created us equally. He loves unconditionally. We’re all messed up and flawed but it is His beautiful, eternal grace that covers us all. His heart has to break when His children are hurt so deeply. He does not forsake us, any of us.
Someone tweeted this blog post recently - asking the question, “Is this my God?” - and it is everything I’ve been asking. It filled a crack in my heart that was placed there by people who have bashed me for something that I feel so strongly about. Go read it now, and then come back… done? Cool! A lot of that was written about those in the Christian community who are gay - but the overall message can be applied to the world as a whole. God doesn’t love anyone in the LGBTQ community less than straight people. That is downright absurd. A big, huge lie.
To answer the question that post asks - Is this my God? No. It, most certainly, is not.
And when it comes down to it - here is how I feel about marriage equality, plain and simple: it is no one’s place to tell people who they can and cannot marry. It’s just not. That is a decision that is made between two people in a committed relationship. It is a personal choice - a choice everyone should be given the chance to make, regardless if everyone agrees with it or not.
I don’t want people telling me how to live my life, or who to love, or what religion to follow, or what kind of person I should be. Those are my decisions and my choices to make. Not yours. Not the Government’s. Mine. Shouldn’t everyone get to make those same choices, freely and equally? I believe they should. I really do.
// And while we’re at it, here is another post (link fixed) that struck a chord with me, especially the line, ”Jesus-followers should be the safest people on earth, yet they are often the ones I hide from the most. They are some of the ones with whom I’m most afraid to be me.” Gosh, that stings because I, myself, understand this. I’ve struggled with my own issues over the years and have hid from certain Christians, afraid of their judgment. Afraid of the backlash. Afraid of being shamed and shunned. And that kills me because that’s not how it should be. For me, for you, for people of the LGBTQ community, for anyone.
I hope and pray that I am a safe person that anyone can come to and feel valued, supported, and loved. I hope they can talk to me and feel heard. I pray, I pray, I pray.
Note: these are my opinions. This is my heart. I don’t expect you to agree. I am not shoving my beliefs on you - I would never, ever want anyone to feel that way. I know how that feels and it’s pretty sucky. I respect your opinions, please respect mine.
“We love what we love. Reason does not enter into it. In many ways, unwise love is the truest love. Anyone can love a thing because. That’s as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.”—The Wise Man’s Fear, Patrick Rothfuss (via happiness-through-sadness)